Born Under A Ursine

After all the seasonal
shopping I feel like I've
been malled.

Organic Christmas Trees

Passing a condo construction
site. Saw a crane lowering a
porta potty into the site.
On the bus. Saw a woman get
on with her pug in a shopping
bag. Doggy Bag?
Santa Claus is going to town.
Ho, ho, hope you have a good
holiday.

The Doppelgang Is All Here

Riding the bus.
Neighbour gets on.
I wave to her.
She looks at me and
says: "Richard. didn't I see
you with your daughter..."
"I don't have a daughter."
I reply. "I'm Martin."
"It must be because I'm
wearing a hat." "I'd take
it off, but I've probably
got hat head."
"Well, it is almost Halloween."
She replies. I laugh.
Her stop comes up.
Just before she gets off she says:
"He's good-looking,too."

You Must Be Nuts

On a walk.
On College, (having
passed University).
Stop next to a retaining
wall on the edge of a
U of T building. A squirrel
comes up and looks right
at me. Let's stop this
culture of entitlement.
Even the damn squirrels
expect a hand out.
Nuts to that.

Money For Nothing And Your Cheques For Fee

Went to a sound rehearsal space
and jammed with my bro and a
friend. Got a blister on my
mouse finger and my keyboarding
finger. Haven't played an acoustic
guitar in eons. Maybe buy one
at Leons. Get good enough to
play for the peons.
Plebes To Meet You.

Room With A Pew

What's your name?
Hugh's your daddy?

A Grave Accent

Walking past Mount
Pleasant Cemetary.
A sign outside says:
"Rest asssured we have
lots of space."
Dead is the new 100.

Soar, Loser

Off the fisticuff.
Just wanted to keep
my hand in blog wise.

Make A Pacifist

Whoever invented the pacifier,
she sure was a genius.
Whoever invented the car
alarm, he sure was an idiot.

Streak And Ye Shall Find

Are you old enough to remember
the cultural phenomenon called
"streaking."? I seem to recall
that it was a mid seventies thing.
In fact, I went streaking one
night with a guy from the neigh-
bourhood. Didn't go far.
Wonder who started
the craze in the first place.
Could be time to bring it back.
Preferably in the summer.

Lock Before You Leap

Waiting for a bus.
Notice a woman reading
a book. Quantum Physics
For Dummies.
Going for a walk later
the same day. It's raining.
A couple pass me. They're
holding hands and don't have
an umbrella. How romantic.
Then I notice that they're
talking. But not to each
other. They're each on a cell-
phone. Every fourth word out
of the guy's mouth is the f word.
Modern love makes me party...

Bloggerel

Went for a shorter walk today.
An amended constitutional.
Fall is here. The leaves have
taken the place of summer's
butterflies, tossed, fluttering
on the wind. Soon the
bare branches of the trees
will brush the grey sky.

Things Go Better With Joke

Saw an ad on the back
of a airplane shuttle bus.
"Fly to Chicago 6X daily."
Now, why would I want
to do that?

No Where Toronto

Had a "Toronto Moment."
Walking along the Danforth
in "Greek Town."
Passed a store with all
kinds of stuff for kids.
On a stand was a copy
of The Cat In The Hat
by Dr. Seuss, except it
was in Greek.
Horton hears The Who.

A Western Umlaut

Waiting for a streetcar
at Queen and University.
A guy in his twenties
asks; "What direction is
the streetcar going?"
"West", I reply.
(Then I think to myself,
"West, young man.").

Going For Brogue

Witnessed a random act
of kindness today.
Near the foot of Bathurst
a woman was running to
catch a streetcar.
The nearest stop was
about 100 yards away.
The driver rang his bell
several times and stopped
so the woman could get on.
As the streetcar pulled away
I noticed the driver had a
huge smile on his face.
A week earlier at approximately
the same spot, I encountered
a woman with a little white dog.
The dog was biting at itself.
It seems they had been in a park
and the dog had got some burrs
in its fur. The woman told me
this in a thick Irish accent.
I suppose if she had been Scottish
they both would have had burrs.
She decided to carry the dog.

Martooner

Went for a walk.
Saw a small car with
small lettering on the
back and side windows.
On the back it said:
"If you can read this,
I can brake hard and
sue you."
On the side window it said:
"Low as f---."
"Slow as s---."
"Great on gas."

Martooner

Saw a motorcycle with a
dog riding in the sidecar.
True story. I couldn't
tell, but the dog may
have been wearing a
helmet. Or should that
be helmutt?

Non Smoking Jacket

One time I worked as a
a temp for a week at
a cheque clearing centre
for the Royal Bank.
Cheques from all over
the province were
processed and shipped out.
I was replacing a guy who
was going to Kenya because
his dad was not well.
The guy's name was Ulu.
He showed me the ropes
before he left. There was
a bit of bantering back and
forth in the office. It was
a very multicultural workplace.
Ulu called one of the guys from
the islands, "Trini Boy."
When I walked in on my first
day Trini Boy said, "Hey guys,
it's the white Ulu."
I said, "Yes, Trini Boy, but the
legend is black."

A Baker's Doyenne

A list of twelve places
I have volunteered at.
- Tarragon Theatre.
- Factory Theatre.
- Poor Alex Theatre.
- Theatre Passe Murialle.
- Toronto International
Film Festival.
- The Sierra Club
- Ryerson University
Library.
- TVO.
- Dancemakers.
- Cecil Street Community
Centre.
- The TSO.
- Harbourfront.

A Baker's Dozing

The following is a list of
twelve jobs I've worked
at in the past.
- Bus boy.
- Stevedore.
- Cashier.
- Museum Guide.
- Youth Hostel Clerk.
- Dish Washer.
- Library Tech.
- Temp.
- Security Guard.
- Copywriter.
- Telemarketer.
- Magazine Clerk.

Blowing My Own Horn In A Hospital Zone

Many moons ago I was
part of the Improv "Sport"
called Theatresports.
I was on a team called
Stairway To 7-11.
It occurred to me that
we might get the folks
at 7-11 to sponsor our team.
So I called them up.
They sent a rep to watch
a show. Sure enough, they
liked what they saw.
They gave us all "Big Gulp."
T-Shirts and coupons for
freebies at 7-11.
I believe we were the
first Theatresports team
to get a corporate sponsor.

Martooner

One day I was walking down
the street in the Annex when
I saw a couple ahead of me
kissing as they stood on the
sidewalk. As I got near them
I said, "You can't do that here,
this is Toronto." They stopped
kissing and the woman said,
"Yes, but we're from Montreal."
Another time there was a woman
I had seen a lot in my neighbourhood.
One day I asked her where she was
going. "I work at the ROM" she said.
"When in ROM..." I said. "Do as the
ROMans." she replied.

Smooth Operetta

I've only been to
the Opera twice.
I quite enjoyed it.
Wish I could speak
Italian, French or
German, though.
I don't believe we've
MET.

Sold To The Highest Ibidder

On my daily walk.
On Queens Quay when
I notice a guy lying
under a Blue Jays Blanket.
At his feet is a sign on a
piece of cardboard which reads;
"Broke and Ugly. Can you help me?"
I'd suggest contacting a philanthropic
plastic surgeon.

A Pigment Of Your Imagination

"Here's your coffee, sir."
"You don't have to call
me 'sir'."
"My name is Martin."
"How about Sir Martin, then?"
"That'll do."

Ringing The Buzzard

They suggest you prepare
your "elevator speech".
Which is all fine and dandy
but I live on the third floor.
Now if I worked at the CN
tower, well that would be
a different storey.

Slip Of The Thong

I remember seeing the
Rheostatics play at the
Cabana Room in late 1986.
I believe one of the women
from The Fifth Column
was watching the show, too.
They had an album with the
great title, "To sir, with hate."
Another good band was
L'etranger.
Also saw The Fabulous
Thunderbirds at the Diamond
Club in 86. On the downside
smoking was still allowed in
clubs. On the upside, tickets
were still reasonably priced.
Nowadays you can't smoke
in clubs, but many acts
are expensive and frankly
a lot of music sucks big time.
Your friendly neighbourhood
curmudgeon is signing off.

A Whiter Shade Of Paleozoic

The skinny on obesity.
A bilingual (dutch/english)
greeting: "How now Mevrouw?"
Or this: "Slaap Liquor."

Everywhere An Ursine

A couple more recommended
authors:
Ernie Zelinski. His books
are guides on how to find
meaningful work and leisure.
He himself admits he's not
the world's greatest writer,
but he sure gets his point across.
Jay Conrad Levinson's "Guerrilla"
series are helpfull books for
entrepreneurs.
Which reminds me, if you're
reading this blog, why not
tell others about it.
Thank you.
Martin .

Offal Good

Hot enough for ya?
The average temp
for the past couple of
weeks seems to be 30c.
I remember walking
past the Squeeze Club
on Queen West one
really hot day and there
was a sandwich board out
front that read; "It's not
the Heat it's the Humility."

PUN(ctuation).

Decided to go for a walk
last night.
As I headed up the
street I noticed a guy
standing in front of
a parking permit machine.
He was fishing in his pocket
for change without much luck.
As I got close to him I pulled
a loony out of my pocket,
dropped it in his hand and
said, "This one's on me."
They say you should keep your
random acts of kindness to
yourself. That it takes away
from the "energy" of the act.
I only mention this example
to show how easy it is to do
and how it made me and the
guy both feel good.
Now it's your turn.

Jack Of All Tirades. Master Of Pun.

A Punny Thing Happened
On The Way To A Quorum.
The Public Library System
in Toronto is quite a resource.
You're allowed to have up to
something like 50 items at one
time. Although I like using
a computer I'm still
anachronistically in love with books.
As a kid I used to read em and sleep.
As a teenager I loved science fiction.
The names of the authors were
as exotic as the genre itself.
Bradbury, Sturgeon, Heinlein,
Huxley.
I hope kids today are encouraged
to read. (interesting how the word
encourage, is built around the word
courage).

Take The Eh Train

A list of records that
have meant a lot to me
over the years.
All of which were bought
as vinyl albums.
Most of them come from
the 1970's when I was a
teenager.
Here goes, in no particular
order:
Santana: Z-Bop.
Ry Cooder: Bop Til You Drop.
The Cars: Their First album.
Professor Longhair:
Crawfish Fiesta.
Band On The Run:
Paul McCartney.
Howling Wolf: Can't remember
the title but it was a double album.
James Taylor: Two albums;
One Man Dog and Flag.
Burton Cummings: Self titled.
Stevie Wonder:
Songs In The Key Of Life.
All of these are Desert Island
worthy.

She Stoops To Concur

Nova Scotian Memories.
Back in high school if
you had trouble getting
a car started or wanted it
to go faster you were
advised to: "Come on to her."
In university if you were
sick or hungover you were
"A hurting unit."
If you wanted to indicate
that you agreed with someone
you'd say "'Magine" or
"Why sure."

Shrek: Ogre And Out

Saw a baby stroller
with a built in coffee
cup holder.
Strollers are also
handy for carrying
empties back to
the beer store.
Talking to a gay
friend on Victoria
day. Said he was
going to a friend's
place to "put some
steaks on the barbie."
"What about Ken?"
I asked.
"Oh, he'll be there."
replied my friend, slyly.

Con Etiquette. I Feel Your Champagne.

Things I learned today.
Don't pick up cotton
batting when you have
honey on your fingers.
You can carve your name
onto the rubber handrail
on a TTC escalator.
I didn't do this myself,
mind you. I just happened
to notice it while riding
the escalator.

Don't Suffer Rules Gladly

I remember collecting
anthologies of cartoons
of the day.
Peanuts, Don Martin,
B.C., Tumbleweeds.
We're talking 1960's
and the 70's.
Newspaper cartoon pages
seemed so much bigger then,
maybe cause I was smaller.
If there was a holiday, they
would print an extra page
the day before.
Cartoon heaven.
Dick Tracy, Broom Hilda,
and their ilk.
All in black and white.
Also remember going to
the Flinstones movie.
The Bowery Boys movie,
too. They were a
nostalgia act by then.
My Dad loved the Marx
Brothers and W.C. Fields.
He would take us to
watch their movies
at the Science Centre.
We went there one time
to see the Andromeda
Strain. It was so intense
for a youngster like me
that I almost threw up.
Way to go Dad.
Probably not his fault,
really. I guess we
shouldn't have sat in
the front row.
What was the name of
the purple gum that
looked like chiclets
and tasted like soap?
It had a plastic part
on the package so you
could see the gum inside.
Enough reminiscing.
Kinda funny, though
to be entering this
stuff on a blog on a
computer in May of
2010. Who'd thunk.

Eric The Half A Wannabe.

Listening to CBC
Radio 2's morning show.
In a sea of whiny young
female singers and "soul"
wannabe's a Van Morrison
song leaps out of the radio.
"The bright side of the road."
The song is from his album
"Into the music." This album
and the previous record,
"Wavelength" are my two
favourites of his.
From 1979 and 1978
respectively.

Hirsute Case

Don't think I'll
post today. Oh,
sure I could put
up a funny title.
Could tell a
funny true life
story. Like the time
I watched, bemused
as a tough looking.
cigarette smoking girl
from a private school
crossed the intersection.
When she got to my
corner said;
"Viewer discretion
is advised."
Nah, can't be bothered.
Sorry.

The Welcome Wagging

At a intersection
waiting for a bus.
A car pulls up.
Three dogs in the
back seat.
Great Dane looks
listlessly out the
window.
As the car pulls away,
I notice that the licence
plate reads, "Bow Wows."
Two bumper stickers, too.
"Woof" and "Wag On."
Do you figure the guy's
a dog walker?

Sinus Up

At a grocey store
check out.
Bryan Adams' song
"The best was yet to come"
is playing on the store's
stereo.
The cashier is humming
along with it.
"Bryan Adams fan?"
I ask.
"Yeah" she replies.
I bag my stuff and
say, "Don't do anything
Reckless."

Who's Soiree Now

Some musical notes.
My favourite album
by Miles Davis is
"Kind Of Blue."
As far as single tunes
by Miles, I like "It
never entered my mind."
And "Summertime" from
Porgy and Bess.
Other favourite albums
and songs.
Dave Brubeck's "Time
Out."
"Heavy Weather" by
Weather Report.
Thelonius Monk:
"The Composer."
Those are all Jazz
recordings. In a Blues
vein I like Stevie Ray
Vaughan's version of
"Mary Had A Little
Lamb."
ZZ Top's "Fool For
Your Stockings."
Pop favourites include
"Something.", "Old
Brown Shoe." and
"Blow Away." by
George Harrison.
Also, "If you leave
me now." by Chicago.
Pretty mainstream,
I know. I can't really
defend my choices.
And I don't have to.

Nip And Tuck Shop

Things you might
hear me say;
"Hello."
"How are you?"
"Please."
"Thank you."
"You're Welcome."
Things you'll never
hear me say;
"Dude."
"Omigawd."
"Have a good one."
"Awesome."
"Latte."

Going Thru The Emotions

At a friend's place.
Listening to Breakfast In
America by Supertramp.
The album still holds up.
And I guess we do, too.
Well, mostly.
Reminds me of being in
residence at Dalhousie
University.
There's a bunch of us
in one guy's room.
We're stoned, listening
to Crime Of The Century.
One guy who fell asleep,
suddenly wakes up and
says, "Well this is it, eh."
Then he falls back to sleep.
We all laughed.
I guess you had to be there.
(In body, if not spirit.)

Flight Of The Killer BumbleBees

At a grocery store
(I know, I know, yet again.)
Saw Mark Gane and
Martha Johnson of
Martha and The Muffins
fame.
I was going to ask them
if they knew where the
"Cheesie's and Gum" were,
but I wimped out.
Echo Beach came out in
1980, far away in time.

Lipstick On Her Gentleman's Collar

My baseball cap
says: "Let's go to the
Ex." But I'm not even
divorced.

Just Say Volcano

"Icelandic Volcanic Eruption."
Wasn't that a song by Frank Zappa?

Sister Sledge Hammer

My favourite time period
for pop music was 1977-83.
You had New Wave, Punk,
Disco, Reggae and Pop.
The Police's career spanned
this time. Their music
synthesized the best elements
of all of these.
I have a 20 minute exercise routine
which I call "Bakerobics"
This consists of dancing around the
condo unit to music.
I often use 5 songs in a row
from the Police's album
Ghosts In The Machine.
Beginning with the song
"Hungry For You." and
ending with "One World."
Billy Joel also had some great
albums during this time.
I particularly enjoy "My Life"
and "Rosalinda's Eyes."
The Clash were also great
blenders of genres.
I remember seeing Bruce Cockburn
in concert in Halifax.
Someone in the audience yelled;
"Play your favourite song!"
Cockburn said "I really like
'Lost In The Supermarket'
by the Clash, but I don't know
how to play it."
Although I disliked Disco at the
time, in retrospect it wasn't all
bad.
Listen to "We are family" by
Sister Sledge and try not to
feel like dancing.
There's even hints of Jazz in
this song.

Baby's Got Back-Up

Waiting for a bus.
Woman dressed in brown
with brown hair,

walking a brown poodle
which stops
to take a brown poo.

The woman picks it up
with a brown plastic bag.

Woman says: "Good girl"
three times and goes on
her merry way.

Succor Borne Every Minute

Parents of a new born
are looking out for #1
and #2.
One of my musical "guilty
pleasures" is "How deep
is your love?"
by the Bee Gees.
Also the song "Guilty"
by Barbra Streisand.
Can't explain why, just
happen to like 'em.
Young people today don't
know much about the t.v.
shows we grew up with.
They think "Lassie" is the
name of a shelving unit
at Ikea.

James Bond: 24 - 007

TO memories:

An August morn the sun is coming up
and we're heading out to walk
the "Miles For Millions."
At Harbourfront.
Signing my name in indelible
ink on a structure that will
be placed on the top of
the soon to be
finished CN Tower.
Riding bikes with my
brother from Bayview
and Sheppard down to
Union Station.
Rewarding ourselves with
and ice-cream bar from
Laura Secord.

Allow me to switch gears.
A Hairstylist greets a new,
rather large customer.
"Hi, I'm Nick."
Hello, I'm Tip."
"My friends call me
'Big Tip'."

Custer's Last One-Night Stand

On a TTC bus (yet again, you say)
There's a woman across from me
wearing a security guard uniform.
I tell her that I used to work security.
She said that today was her last day
with the firm and that she was going
to college to train to be a chef.
In fact she said, it was her cooking
skills that won over her new girlfriend.
A one night stand turned into a
relationship when her "conquest"
tried her pancakes the morning
after.
The Butter Way.

Mauve It On Over

On a TTC bus.
Notice a guy reading
Carl Honore's great book,
In Praise Of Slowness.
As I'm getting off at my stop
I say to the guy;
"Great book."
"Took me forever to
finish it."

A pessimistic view of
the future would see
us on an embankment
away from flood waters.
Gathered around a camp
fire started by rubbing our
hands together in the noxious
air.
Roasting our free range organic
low fat marshmallows, all
the while singing folk songs
like Stairway To Heaven or
Roxanne.

Silly Love Thongs

I remember being in grade
seven and a guy in grade nine
yelling at me across the field;
"Your epidermis is showing."
I checked my fly, my belt.
I couldn't figure out what he
was talking about.
Nevertheless I felt embarrassed.
I can't recall when I found out
what epidermis was, but I'm sure
I must have felt relieved.

Poem Is Where The Art Is

Here's a poem I wrote to
a friend in Nova Scotia.
She was turning 21 and
the Beer Store workers
in Toronto were on strike.
(See yesterday's post for
more details on the strike.)

Now that you've turned 21
You're entitled to lot's of
legal fun.
Anywhere you can have a beer.
Anywhere that is, but here.
The Beer Store worker's have
walked out.
Causing local beer lovers to pout.
Vodka, Gin, Rum and Rye.
It's enough to make you cry.
On your Birthday raise a
glass to me.
And wish an end to my
parched misery.

My New Law Firm: Nasty, Brutish and Short/Et Tutu Brute?

I was working at a British
style pub back in the Spring
of 85. The employees
of the Beer Store went on strike.
Slowly but surely, the pub depleted
their supply of draught.
Things were tense.
One particularly stressful night
a waiter told me I was working
too slowly. Then she told me to
f off.
The next day she apologized
and we became friends.
Amazing how a bit of profanity
can bring people together.

It's A Measure To Pleat You

Waiting for the shuttle bus to
take me to Ikea.
And waiting.
And waiting.
I turn to the person
next to me and say:
"They must be assembling it."

Buddy Can You Paradigm?

Fun with headlines.
when the G8 ministers came to Toronto
many moons ago, organizers were
not impressed with the status of our
washroom facilities.
The Toronto Sun had the following headline:
"G8 Pooh Pooh Our Washrooms."
I worked at the Sun on a job training program.
At the time there was a government minister
named Monte Kwinter.
I suggested the headline:
"The Kwinter Of Our Discontent."
A reporter at the Sun said:
"You're in the wrong business."
How prescient.

Good Friday, Man

Yesterday, at a Second Cup.
"Yes, sir?"
"Fifteen coffee's,"
"What?"
"Fifteen Coffee's"

"April Fool's!"

Sending Out An SUV/Massage In A Brothel

At a Drug store.
Waiting for a prescription
to be filled.
The guy next to me gets up
to use the blood pressure machine.
He finishes and sits down.
Pointing at the rack across from us,
I say,"They shouldn't put the women's
sports bras and panties so close to
the blood pressure machine."
He laughs.
I think to myself, if your pressure
goes to high, does the machine "Tilt?"

Cannery Rue/The Wind Blows

In a bus shelter.
Notice a garbage bag in the
centre of the street.
Figure I'll do a good deed
and pick it up.
I grab it, and it starts to tear open.
Pop cans tumble onto the street.
The wind picks up and they start
to clatter down the street.
Into the intersection and then onto
the adjoining parkette.
The sound of them clattering
mocking me.
I pull what's left onto the sidewalk.
I feel a mixture of anger and embarrasment.
So much for random acts of kindness.
Won't be drinking pop for a while.

Grid Loch/Griddle Lock/Girdle Lock

Reading a book.
I hear music coming from the street.
Figure its somebody's car stereo.
Go back to reading.
Now I hear music and guys laughing.
Looking out the window there's 4 guys
with musical instruments set up on the
sidewalk across the street.
A double bass a violin a mandolin and an acoustic
guitar. They're playing bluegrass music.
Another guy is filming them.
I go out to check them out.
As I hit the street a woman is coming in the
building. Out of nowhere she asks me to dance.
I oblige. 1,2,3. 1,2,3,
"Slow dancing, swaying to the music no else in the
whole wide world."
The boys are good.
The Creaking Tree String Quartet.
I just signed their first cd out of the library, but
I feel obligated somehow now to buy it.
And I will.
Bookmark my words.

Let's Kiss And Make Out.

Going through the check out at my local grocery store.
The cashier is bagging my groceries and asks;
"Air Miles?" "No" I reply, "I'm flying by the
seat of my pants."
Too bad they don't have frequent flirter points.

We Stand On Guard For Glee/Are You A Man Or A Spouse?

When I moved back to Toronto in September 1984
one of the easiest jobs to get was security guard.
I worked all over the GTA.
One time I worked overnight in a huge mall in
Brampton.
The only thing to report was a mouse that ran into
a Cotton Ginny. A female mouse, perhaps?
I kept thinking about the movie
Dawn Of The Dead.
All I know was by morning I was a zombie.

It's Nothing To E-Mail Home About

Walking down my street in the Annex,
off to do some shopping.
It's raining.
Pass a man and a woman talking,
neither of them have an umbrella.
On my way back 20 minutes later,
they're still there.
I stop.
"Look" I say, "Here's my umbrella,
I live at the yellow house over there.
Return it when you're finished talking."
I go home.
20 minutes later there's a knock at the
door. I open the door. It's the woman.
She's got a big smile on her face and the
umbrella in her hand.
"Thanks." she says and hands me umbrella.
All in a day's play.

Sounds Like Crockery To Me

When our family went out to a restaurant,
my Dad would joke that he didn't have enough
money to pay for dinner and we would all have
to wash the dishes.
Did this ever really happen?
Did someone not have enough money and
have to do the restaurant's dishes?
Is this just an urban myth.
All this came full circle in my early twenties,
when I worked as a dishwasher and got my
meals for free.

Someone's In the Soup Kitchen With Spadina/The Bitter Way

Riding the subway. A woman is sitting next to me.
Across from us is a guy holding some flattened boxes.
I turn to the woman and say; "Look's like he's thinking
outside the box." "Pardon, me" she says waking up from that
sort of zoned out space you often get into on the subway.
I repeat what I just said. She starts to smile and says,
"That's funny." "Thank you", she continues. "I was having a
bad day, but you just cheered me up ."
I would have continued the conversation but my stop
was coming up. Besides, my work (play?) was done.

We're All Irish Now/It's Alive Theatre

Today, folks who aren't Irish are green with envy.
Young Frankenstein opens at the Princess Of Wales Theatre tonight.
With the combined talents of Mel Brooks and David Mirvish,
the musical's success is a no-brainer.

I Really Don't Know Love et al.

Grade 8 Band practice.
Student's threaten to boycott class
unless we can watch Happy Days
to see if Fonzie can successfully jump over
barrell's with his motorcycle.
Teacher relents. A t.v. on a high stand
is brought in.
I'm embarressed to say, but I can't remember
if he wiped out or not.
A repressed memory, perhaps.
Grade 6. Canada Russia Hockey Series.
Final game. A t.v. on a high stand is brought
into the gym. Entire school is watching.
Henderson scores, everyone in the gym goes nuts.

Go Figurine

1979. Grade 12 Math Class.
Mr. Carmen's write's an equation on the chalkboard.
He asks; "What does this give us, Martin?"
"A headache, Sir?"
1979. Grade 12 History Class.
"Breastplates and Buckskins."
One of our textbooks.
I got the nickname "Rubberneck" 'cause I was always
looking back at the three babe's in the back row.
Breastplates and Buckskins indeed.

Not A Moment Too Swoon

At 8.04 a.m. I promised myself to not get on the computer
(or "'pooter" as my nephew would say when he was 4 year's old)
until 9 a.m. So pleased with my self restraint and then I realized
it was actually 9.04 a.m. with daylight savings time.
"Keep on playing those mind games..."

Rock The Cash Bar

Working at a Shoppers Drug Mart
It's midnight, we're closing up the store.
A car pulls up in front of the store. There's a couple in the car.
The guy jumps out of the car, starts knocking on our door.
We're tired, we want to close up, go home.
The guy's knocking louder. The woman in the car makes a praying motion.
The head cashier, Chris, gives a heavy sigh and opens the door.
"Whaddya want?" Chris asks the guy.
Buddy starts turning red.
Chris rolls his eyes and says: "At the back, to the left
of the pharmacy, next to the door."
Buddy pays, mumbles "thanks, man" drives off into the night.

The Whiner Olympics

Nuff Sled.

Voulez-Vous Crochet avec moi ce soir?

At a grocery store (yet again, you say).
Making small talk with the clerk.
Talking 'bout the weather, which isn't exactly small talk in Canada.
"Nice to see some snow" I say.
She says: "'They could use some in Vancouver."
"Halifax is getting hammered" she continues.
It's all I can do to stop myself from saying "I used to get pretty hammered in Halifax, too."

I've always wanted to go to a computer store, go to the cash and "check out" my blog.

Yet another song lyric: "My Sweet Landlord."

Au Revoir Pour Maintenant,

M. Boulanger

Be Kind; Unwind

On my way to the gym at the community centre when I notice several fire trucks parked in front. Turned out to be a false alarm. Give's new meaning to the term "Feel The Burn".
In the weight room, a guy is using a blue coloured pilates style ball. I say to him: "Should put the number eight on it." The rates for using the weight room are quite reasonable. Still, there's "No Free Lunge."
At a grocery store, notice that the suggestion box is covered in dust.
Meanwhile, my vacuum cleaner is collecting dust. It's my nature to abhor vacuums.