Lock Before You Leap

Waiting for a bus.
Notice a woman reading
a book. Quantum Physics
For Dummies.
Going for a walk later
the same day. It's raining.
A couple pass me. They're
holding hands and don't have
an umbrella. How romantic.
Then I notice that they're
talking. But not to each
other. They're each on a cell-
phone. Every fourth word out
of the guy's mouth is the f word.
Modern love makes me party...

Bloggerel

Went for a shorter walk today.
An amended constitutional.
Fall is here. The leaves have
taken the place of summer's
butterflies, tossed, fluttering
on the wind. Soon the
bare branches of the trees
will brush the grey sky.

Things Go Better With Joke

Saw an ad on the back
of a airplane shuttle bus.
"Fly to Chicago 6X daily."
Now, why would I want
to do that?

No Where Toronto

Had a "Toronto Moment."
Walking along the Danforth
in "Greek Town."
Passed a store with all
kinds of stuff for kids.
On a stand was a copy
of The Cat In The Hat
by Dr. Seuss, except it
was in Greek.
Horton hears The Who.

A Western Umlaut

Waiting for a streetcar
at Queen and University.
A guy in his twenties
asks; "What direction is
the streetcar going?"
"West", I reply.
(Then I think to myself,
"West, young man.").

Going For Brogue

Witnessed a random act
of kindness today.
Near the foot of Bathurst
a woman was running to
catch a streetcar.
The nearest stop was
about 100 yards away.
The driver rang his bell
several times and stopped
so the woman could get on.
As the streetcar pulled away
I noticed the driver had a
huge smile on his face.
A week earlier at approximately
the same spot, I encountered
a woman with a little white dog.
The dog was biting at itself.
It seems they had been in a park
and the dog had got some burrs
in its fur. The woman told me
this in a thick Irish accent.
I suppose if she had been Scottish
they both would have had burrs.
She decided to carry the dog.

Martooner

Went for a walk.
Saw a small car with
small lettering on the
back and side windows.
On the back it said:
"If you can read this,
I can brake hard and
sue you."
On the side window it said:
"Low as f---."
"Slow as s---."
"Great on gas."

Martooner

Saw a motorcycle with a
dog riding in the sidecar.
True story. I couldn't
tell, but the dog may
have been wearing a
helmet. Or should that
be helmutt?

Non Smoking Jacket

One time I worked as a
a temp for a week at
a cheque clearing centre
for the Royal Bank.
Cheques from all over
the province were
processed and shipped out.
I was replacing a guy who
was going to Kenya because
his dad was not well.
The guy's name was Ulu.
He showed me the ropes
before he left. There was
a bit of bantering back and
forth in the office. It was
a very multicultural workplace.
Ulu called one of the guys from
the islands, "Trini Boy."
When I walked in on my first
day Trini Boy said, "Hey guys,
it's the white Ulu."
I said, "Yes, Trini Boy, but the
legend is black."

A Baker's Doyenne

A list of twelve places
I have volunteered at.
- Tarragon Theatre.
- Factory Theatre.
- Poor Alex Theatre.
- Theatre Passe Murialle.
- Toronto International
Film Festival.
- The Sierra Club
- Ryerson University
Library.
- TVO.
- Dancemakers.
- Cecil Street Community
Centre.
- The TSO.
- Harbourfront.

A Baker's Dozing

The following is a list of
twelve jobs I've worked
at in the past.
- Bus boy.
- Stevedore.
- Cashier.
- Museum Guide.
- Youth Hostel Clerk.
- Dish Washer.
- Library Tech.
- Temp.
- Security Guard.
- Copywriter.
- Telemarketer.
- Magazine Clerk.

Blowing My Own Horn In A Hospital Zone

Many moons ago I was
part of the Improv "Sport"
called Theatresports.
I was on a team called
Stairway To 7-11.
It occurred to me that
we might get the folks
at 7-11 to sponsor our team.
So I called them up.
They sent a rep to watch
a show. Sure enough, they
liked what they saw.
They gave us all "Big Gulp."
T-Shirts and coupons for
freebies at 7-11.
I believe we were the
first Theatresports team
to get a corporate sponsor.