Sending Out An SUV/Massage In A Brothel

At a Drug store.
Waiting for a prescription
to be filled.
The guy next to me gets up
to use the blood pressure machine.
He finishes and sits down.
Pointing at the rack across from us,
I say,"They shouldn't put the women's
sports bras and panties so close to
the blood pressure machine."
He laughs.
I think to myself, if your pressure
goes to high, does the machine "Tilt?"

Cannery Rue/The Wind Blows

In a bus shelter.
Notice a garbage bag in the
centre of the street.
Figure I'll do a good deed
and pick it up.
I grab it, and it starts to tear open.
Pop cans tumble onto the street.
The wind picks up and they start
to clatter down the street.
Into the intersection and then onto
the adjoining parkette.
The sound of them clattering
mocking me.
I pull what's left onto the sidewalk.
I feel a mixture of anger and embarrasment.
So much for random acts of kindness.
Won't be drinking pop for a while.

Grid Loch/Griddle Lock/Girdle Lock

Reading a book.
I hear music coming from the street.
Figure its somebody's car stereo.
Go back to reading.
Now I hear music and guys laughing.
Looking out the window there's 4 guys
with musical instruments set up on the
sidewalk across the street.
A double bass a violin a mandolin and an acoustic
guitar. They're playing bluegrass music.
Another guy is filming them.
I go out to check them out.
As I hit the street a woman is coming in the
building. Out of nowhere she asks me to dance.
I oblige. 1,2,3. 1,2,3,
"Slow dancing, swaying to the music no else in the
whole wide world."
The boys are good.
The Creaking Tree String Quartet.
I just signed their first cd out of the library, but
I feel obligated somehow now to buy it.
And I will.
Bookmark my words.

Let's Kiss And Make Out.

Going through the check out at my local grocery store.
The cashier is bagging my groceries and asks;
"Air Miles?" "No" I reply, "I'm flying by the
seat of my pants."
Too bad they don't have frequent flirter points.

We Stand On Guard For Glee/Are You A Man Or A Spouse?

When I moved back to Toronto in September 1984
one of the easiest jobs to get was security guard.
I worked all over the GTA.
One time I worked overnight in a huge mall in
Brampton.
The only thing to report was a mouse that ran into
a Cotton Ginny. A female mouse, perhaps?
I kept thinking about the movie
Dawn Of The Dead.
All I know was by morning I was a zombie.

It's Nothing To E-Mail Home About

Walking down my street in the Annex,
off to do some shopping.
It's raining.
Pass a man and a woman talking,
neither of them have an umbrella.
On my way back 20 minutes later,
they're still there.
I stop.
"Look" I say, "Here's my umbrella,
I live at the yellow house over there.
Return it when you're finished talking."
I go home.
20 minutes later there's a knock at the
door. I open the door. It's the woman.
She's got a big smile on her face and the
umbrella in her hand.
"Thanks." she says and hands me umbrella.
All in a day's play.

Sounds Like Crockery To Me

When our family went out to a restaurant,
my Dad would joke that he didn't have enough
money to pay for dinner and we would all have
to wash the dishes.
Did this ever really happen?
Did someone not have enough money and
have to do the restaurant's dishes?
Is this just an urban myth.
All this came full circle in my early twenties,
when I worked as a dishwasher and got my
meals for free.

Someone's In the Soup Kitchen With Spadina/The Bitter Way

Riding the subway. A woman is sitting next to me.
Across from us is a guy holding some flattened boxes.
I turn to the woman and say; "Look's like he's thinking
outside the box." "Pardon, me" she says waking up from that
sort of zoned out space you often get into on the subway.
I repeat what I just said. She starts to smile and says,
"That's funny." "Thank you", she continues. "I was having a
bad day, but you just cheered me up ."
I would have continued the conversation but my stop
was coming up. Besides, my work (play?) was done.

We're All Irish Now/It's Alive Theatre

Today, folks who aren't Irish are green with envy.
Young Frankenstein opens at the Princess Of Wales Theatre tonight.
With the combined talents of Mel Brooks and David Mirvish,
the musical's success is a no-brainer.

I Really Don't Know Love et al.

Grade 8 Band practice.
Student's threaten to boycott class
unless we can watch Happy Days
to see if Fonzie can successfully jump over
barrell's with his motorcycle.
Teacher relents. A t.v. on a high stand
is brought in.
I'm embarressed to say, but I can't remember
if he wiped out or not.
A repressed memory, perhaps.
Grade 6. Canada Russia Hockey Series.
Final game. A t.v. on a high stand is brought
into the gym. Entire school is watching.
Henderson scores, everyone in the gym goes nuts.

Go Figurine

1979. Grade 12 Math Class.
Mr. Carmen's write's an equation on the chalkboard.
He asks; "What does this give us, Martin?"
"A headache, Sir?"
1979. Grade 12 History Class.
"Breastplates and Buckskins."
One of our textbooks.
I got the nickname "Rubberneck" 'cause I was always
looking back at the three babe's in the back row.
Breastplates and Buckskins indeed.

Not A Moment Too Swoon

At 8.04 a.m. I promised myself to not get on the computer
(or "'pooter" as my nephew would say when he was 4 year's old)
until 9 a.m. So pleased with my self restraint and then I realized
it was actually 9.04 a.m. with daylight savings time.
"Keep on playing those mind games..."

Rock The Cash Bar

Working at a Shoppers Drug Mart
It's midnight, we're closing up the store.
A car pulls up in front of the store. There's a couple in the car.
The guy jumps out of the car, starts knocking on our door.
We're tired, we want to close up, go home.
The guy's knocking louder. The woman in the car makes a praying motion.
The head cashier, Chris, gives a heavy sigh and opens the door.
"Whaddya want?" Chris asks the guy.
Buddy starts turning red.
Chris rolls his eyes and says: "At the back, to the left
of the pharmacy, next to the door."
Buddy pays, mumbles "thanks, man" drives off into the night.