Canny Opener

Went to a wonderful year end concert at the school that my brother's children go to. As we filed out of the gym, a teenage boy was holding the door for everybody. I said to him: "Looks like you've got yourself a new job." "Yes", he replied, "And there's plenty of openings."

A Cautionary Tale

While walking down the street the other day, I looked up at a
tree and in its branches was a long strip of plastic yellow tape with the word "caution" repeated in black lettering.
I thought to myself, "Hmm, someone has thrown caution to the wind."

A Juniors Moment

Looking out the window at the street, feeling the weight of the sudden arrival of Winter's cold. A white cube van drives by. On the side of the van
the word "SMILE" has been spelled out in graffiti. The "author" of the graffiti leaves the "tag" "JR."

JR. gets his message across; I start to smile.

Thank you JR. wherever you are.

Martooner

Home Is Where The Art Is.

News Item: Absenteeism is up in Home-Based businesses.

I wanted a homebased business, but I didn't pass the three month probationary period.

Count Me In

Took a walk around the neighbourhood.
Saw a woman sitting on a bench reading one of Anne Rice's earlier books.
I said to her; "Those books suck."
She looked at me for a second. Then she laughed and said: "I get it."
My work is done here, I thought to myself, and went home smiling.

Martooner

Martooner

Martooner

Under Where?

Crossing University Avenue at Dundas noticed a couple in their 50's or so
standing on the corner looking at a map.
I went up to them and asked: "Are you lost?"
The man said: "We're looking for the Lake."
"It's that way" I replied, pointing south.
He said, with a grin, "We're from Australia. We were looking at the map
upside down."

The Cheque Republic

Went to the bank to deposit a cheque. Handed the cheque to the teller.
He accidentally dropped it. I asked: "Did it bounce?"
He didn't get the joke. Asked me if there was anything else I wanted.
I was going to say: "Yes. A teller with a sense of humour."
I did get what I wanted, though. Money in the bank and a anecdote for
my blog.

When You're Smiling...

Over the years I've been fortunate enough to have a number of "Morning Smiles" in the Globe and Mail newspaper.

I'm happy to present them all to you:

The Russians are online. They're on the Inter-nyet.

I called up the Wrestling Association.
They put me on hold.

A clown retires and wants to hand over the business to his son.
His son says: "I don't know Dad, those are big shoes to fill."

A pessimist's lament: Things are going so badly, something really nice is bound to happen.

There was a break in at the deli.
They had to change the lox.

I bought a cd of songs for the playground.
It skipped.

A perfume to make us proud: Eau Canada

I asked a friend if he liked his new tent.
He said he didn't want to get into it.

Transylvania has the ultimate democracy: Every Count Votes.

I dropped out of my communism class because of lousy Marx.

I'd like to be full of the milk of human kindness, but I'm lactose intolerant.

... It's nice to see them altogether in one place.

I hope you like them, too.

Why not let me know by leaving a comment.


Ciao for now,

Martin

Martooner

Martooner

Ad Nauseam

Thought I'd share some punderfull Advertisements:

For a nudist colony: Please bare with us.




Mineral water from Switzerland: Alp Yourself.

An economy brand of baby powder: Talc is cheap.

Mattresses: Snoozer Friendly.

A Tailor's Shop: It's a measure to pleat you.

Exlax: Priced to move.

Bonus gag: Brevity is the soul of wit.
Levity is the goal of it.


That's it for now,


Martin

Martoons

Inaugural Blog

Hello World!
Greedings from Toronto.
There was a debate a few years back as to whether Toronto was "World
Class". My response was we have the world here but do we have the class.
I like it here, so there.
Anyway, allow me to start with some humour (That's humor to my U.S.
friends).

Beatles Songs For The Computer Age


Dot Com Together

Fax Man

Eight Days A Geek

A Hard Day's Byte

She Came In Through The Chat Room Window


While we're speaking of Beatles, did you know scientists have created a flea
from scratch?


If you're still with me you might enjoy my blog.

Saw my therapist today. He's doing much better, thanks.
These little visits make all the difference to him.


Anyway, World, just thought I'd say "Hello"
Dit Bonjour.

Stay tuned for more.


Martin